Since I'm a child of the 60s and 70s, some of you may be unfamiliar with the references in this post. But the dating phenomenon is something that most people can identify with and as you read this you might find those feelings of loathing, dread and anxiety resurface as you reflect on your former (and maybe even present) dating years. I hope so anyway, because I'd feel pretty silly if those were feelings that were exclusively mine. I also know that many of you reading this will be thankful that because you've found your spouse or significant other, you're no longer subject to suffering through first date jitters, deciding if and when to pick up the phone and call, determining if you could see yourself accepting his/her appreciation of Linkin Park (i could NOT), and forcing yourself not to think about the idea of your date-of-the-week being "The One."
Remember that show, The Dating Game, a Chuck Barris (game show genius) production hosted by the handsome Jim Lange? Man, I used to love that show and watched it faithfully as a tween. The male contestants on the show were dreamy and the girls were groovy, sweet and coy, plus the show had that snazzy Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass theme song that was my notification to come running to the living room when I heard it playing on the television. The whole thing just made me happy and I even got to see some of my favorite celebrities on the show. Michael Jackson, The Brady Bunch characters and Sally Field are a few that I recall.
Here's how it worked. The male or female looking for love would ask a series of questions to three contestants that were hidden behind a big flowery wall. Some of the questions were provocative, some of them were just plain silly. At the end of the show, the contestant doing the questioning would choose one of the three behind the wall for a fabulous date, compliments of the show. One by one, the three hidden contestants would be revealed and introduced to the one seeking love and it was always entertaining seeing the reactions.
I always felt sorry for the people who made the wrong choice and it was a bit uncomfortable witnessing the unmistakable disappointment when their date was revealed. But some dates were just meant to be! They hugged and gazed fondly into each others eyes and at the end of the show prior to being whisked off for a weekend in Puerto Vallarta, everyone involved blew all of us at home a big kiss goodbye. I knew the sad losers walked away with their American Tourister Luggage consolation prize and never gave them a second thought because I was too busy imagining the newly introduced couple frolicking in the Mexican sun. It was just so stinkin' brilliant and in some way it shaped my ideas on romance and dating. What a pity. Maybe.
Fast forward 40 years (yikes!) and I find myself in my own dating game again. It's certainly not a game, but there's some strategy involved in working out priorities and deciding on an approach. A few select friends are on the lookout for me and I recently made the decision to dip my toe back into internet dating again. I'm hoping that my lack of expectations, my semi-nonchalantness and redirected focus will provide some interesting results. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't care. I'm just so content with who I am right now as a single woman and so happy with every part of my life that finding my one and only is a bit further down my to do list than it once was. I think that's a swell place to be, don't you? Here's an analogy. It would be like landing a better job when you're content with the job you already have instead of desperately searching for one when you're fed up with your current job or unemployed. The addition of a few good dates, a companion or my forever partner down the road would be the proverbial icing on the cake. The fudgy frosting on a big, fat, moist and dense, chocolate cake.
Internet dating reminds me of the show, The Dating Game, because there are a lot of unknowns, missed opportunities and per chance occurrences. If you have no experience in this arena, I'm here to tell you that it can be an overwhelming, albeit humorous activity. First, you have to fill out your profile, which is a daunting and arduous task. How much do I want to reveal? Do I take the humorous approach, the Christian approach, the superficial or transparent approach? I certainly want potential suitors to get as much of a true picture of me as possible so I let my words reflect all of those elements, without revealing too much. That's for down the road if and when I actually meet someone in person and start to develop a friendship.
With the click of a button, you're published, out there, naked, and then the floodgates open. The matches, the winks, the icebreakers, the likes...agghhh! It's all so much and I wonder how the manipulators (first word that came to mind so I went with it) of the site determine who to send my way. I'm just going to go ahead and put this out there. I judge. I know, I know, I know...I should keep an open mind, but I confess that I'm a judger. Your favorite musician is Michael Buble? No. Your favorite movie is Rambo? No. I have nothing against this movie, but if it's his favorite movie then obviously he is not a thinker. Duh. Your vacation destination of choice is Walt Disney World? No. One of your favorite pastimes is hunting? Mmmm, probably not. You have a cat? Nope. Your favorite restaurant is The Olive Garden? Not a chance. You're a huge NASCAR fan? Awww, hell to the nah! Any one of these character flaws is grounds for immediate disqualification in my book, and if I'm being honest, I don't know that I can change that part of me. I'm joking. Partly. Please don't miss the fact that I completely understand that these judgements reveal more about me than they do any date, companion and/or boyfriend candidates. God help me, for real.
Speaking of God, I'm going to get to the moral of the story and wrap this up. I mentioned being really content with my current circumstances and that is absolutely, 100 percent the truth. I like the idea of having a husband and I suppose I would go so far to say that I hope I have one some day. However. I have learned, finally, that it is imperative to wait on God. I used the phrase "finding my one and only" above, but that's not my approach at all. I will wait, and if it be His will, He will prepare the absolute most perfect husband for me (while He is preparing me for him), and when he is ready, he will find me. The very thought of it just thrills me.
The idea that God gives me my identity, knows me to my core and loves me so much that He will always provide me with His very best for me is a truth that gives me an unshakable peace. He can and will bless me with a companion, a partner, a leader and a husband if He determines it is best for me and in that union, He will be glorified. He may determine that it's in my best interest to live a life of contented singleness, knowing that I will enjoy my independence and freedom while using my opportunities to bear much fruit. For the very first time in my life, I know that I will be abundantly happy with His choice for me. My life is enormously blessed and fulfilling now, and undoubtedly will be to the end of my days.
I'm getting such a kick out of blogging and I really appreciate you taking the time to read my blog. The feedback has been overwhelmingly positive and encouraging, but I've been told that I'm not posting often enough. Maybe not. But I know that next time I'd like to talk about one of my greatest passions. Food!
Stay tuned!
Oh look! It's Farrah before the feathers, Ah-nold before The Terminator and The Governator, a young Michael Jackson and the pre-Three's Company, wacky exercise contraption endorsing Suzanne Somers, all on The Dating Game!
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