I recall, not so long ago, being frustrated about the
absence of miracles in my life. I
thought that as a Believer, I should experience and witness miracles on a
regular basis, but that just wasn’t the case.
I was missing out, missing wonder and missing joy.
A year and a half ago I entered into counseling,
specifically because of a horrible break-up that I just could not move
past. I made up my mind going into it
that I would be vulnerable and transparent.
I learned very quickly that one of the keys to recovery was to dive into
the grief, and boy, did I ever do that.
I got an A+ in grief class. I cried
out to God on a regular basis, pleading with Him to rescue me from my suffering. Out of sheer exhaustion, I started to examine
my childhood upbringing and saw how it led to making some poor choices. For the record, I love my parents deeply and
I may or may not have been a challenge to raise. I made note of every skewed thought that didn’t
line up with what I knew to be true about God and how He loves us. Intellectually, I got it, and believed
everything I read in the Bible about God’s love, but I wondered if really
feeling that love in your heart was an experience reserved for others. For a very long time I felt like God had
abandoned me and I wasn’t really sure if I could trust Him enough to completely surrender to Him.
I don’t exactly know how or when it occurred, but God redeemed my
life. There have been many revelations and lessons
along the way and I believe that God revealed them to me not randomly, but as
I was ready and according to His purpose.
I learned that judgment (of myself and of others) was a prevailing
problem for me and when I learned to approach things without any preconceived ideas, it felt as if a toxin was eliminated from my body, leaving me with a
powerful clarity. Through my own pain, I
instinctively became more compassionate towards others who are suffering. I’ve always been a generous person, but I learned
what it meant to be selfless, and how selflessness brings about beautiful and Christ-glorifying
experiences and relationships. I set proper boundaries that helped guard my heart and eliminate chaos in my life. I identified my core values and stay true to them by basing all of my decisions on those values, becoming increasingly happy and fulfilled. Through
all of these things, I found in my heart a genuine spirit of thankfulness and realized that
all of it is a manifestation of God’s love for me. This is Christ living in me and I’m just
beginning to see how magnetic that is, all for God’s glory, not mine.
I see miracles all the time now. Nature
and our bodies are miracles. Science, beautiful music, art and
medicine are miracles. The idea that a
Man, who was also God, willingly took His place on a cross to die an agonizing
death for me, yet defeated death once and for all by way of a Resurrection, is a humbling miracle that I think about daily. God
took a woman full of shame, self-loathing, anger and bitterness, restored her dignity and lovingly guided her to a
place where she could see her identity and purpose. She is bold and thankful and fearless and
beautiful. Her story is a miracle.
Enough about me, I think. Starting with my next post, I'm officially turning Lost My Mind And Found My Purpose into a blog primarily about food. Talking and writing about food, after all...it's beauty, it's preparation, it's enjoyment... is pretty much my purpose.
Stay tuned!
